Al, Tipper Gore decide to separate after 40-year marriage

By ERIK SCHELZIG
Associated Press Writer
Published: Wednesday, June 2, 2010 9:48 AM MST

Chris Carlson/Associated Press (2007), Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper Gore arrive for the Primetime Emmy Awards in Los Angeles in September 2007. The couple is separating.
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Al Gore once claimed his romance with wife Tipper inspired the novel “Love Story” and the couple shared an uncomfortably long kiss before millions on the stage of the Democratic National Convention.Now, after a 40-year marriage that survived the near-death of a child and the heartache of losing the disputed 2000 presidential election, the former high school sweethearts are calling it quits.
“After a great deal of thought and discussion, we have decided to separate,” the Gores wrote in an e-mail to friends on Tuesday. “This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together.”

Gore spokeswoman Kalee Kreider confirmed the statement came from the Gores, but declined to comment further.

The Gores told friends they “grew apart” after four decades of marriage and there was no affair involved, according to two longtime close associates and family friends.

The couple had carved out separate lives over time, with the 62-year-old former vice president and Nobel Peace Prize laureate on the road frequently, said the associates, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak on the couple’s behalf.

“Their lives had gotten more and more separated,” one of the friends said.

The couple, who own homes in Nashville and Gore’s hometown of Carthage, Tenn., had reportedly purchased an $8.8 million estate in Montecito, Calif., this spring.

Married on May 19, 1970, at the National Cathedral in Washington, the Gores crafted an image of a happy couple during his eight-year stint as vice president in the 1990s and a presidential candidate in 2000.

Their warm relationship stood in sharp contrast to the Clinton marriage rocked by Bill Clinton’s affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky, a scandal that hung over Gore’s own presidential campaign.

At the time, Gore said his wife was “someone I’ve loved with my whole heart since the night of my high school senior prom.” Then, as if to prove it, he planted that long, awkward kiss on her during the 2000 Democratic presidential convention.

Such public affection did much to enliven the former vice president’s stuffy image. Tipper Gore, 61, painted a picture of a playful relationship, saying in a 2000 interview that she teased her husband while he prepared for presidential debates by e-mailing him “lascivious” messages.

“He e-mails me back and says, ‘I’m losing my concentration now,’” she said.

In a speech to the 2004 Democratic convention, Gore said he wanted to thank “with all my heart my children and grandchildren, and especially my beloved partner in life, Tipper.”

The “Love Story” claim came in 1997, when Gore told a reporter he and Tipper were the inspiration for Erich Segal’s 1970s best-seller. A surprised Segal said that Gore, whom he knew at Harvard, had inspired one side of his male hero’s personality — the one controlled by a domineering father — but his book had nothing to do with Tipper Gore.

In a letter written to then-girlfriend Tipper as a 17-year-old college freshman, Al Gore hinted at that dynamic. “Mother’s having a fit about me riding the motorcycle back to Harvard. Dad’s mad at my long hair,” he wrote.

The Gores have four children, Karenna, Kristin, Sarah and Albert III, all now adults. Their son underwent rehab treatment in 2007 after marijuana and prescription drugs were found in his car when he was pulled over for driving 100 mph in his Toyota Prius.

After losing the 2000 election, Gore turned his attention to climate change, undertaking a worldwide campaign which led in 2007 to a Nobel Peace Prize and an Oscar for the documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.”

The couple were married about six months when Gore deployed to Vietnam as an Army public information officer. When he got home, he landed a job as a reporter at The Tennessean in Nashville, and his wife worked there as a photographer.

Gore later served in his father’s former seats in Congress for 16 years. Determined to avoid pitfalls that snared his father, who was accused of being out of touch, Gore kept a punishing schedule, traveling home to Tennessee for open meetings three weekends a month — and leaving wife Tipper alone in Washington with their four young children.

Gore first ran for president in 1988 at age 39 but drew little support outside the South. A planned bid for the 1992 nomination was put aside after the Gores’ 6-year-old son Albert III almost died after being hit by a car in 1989.

“It was a very spiritual time for both of us,” Tipper Gore later wrote. “In Al’s case, he decided to write a book and not to run for president in 1992.”

The book was “Earth in the Balance,” and Al Gore ended up in the thick of the 1992 campaign anyway — as Bill Clinton’s running mate.

In Washington, the Gores were a power couple — with a light-hearted touch. On Halloween, they would dress in costumes to greet trick-or-treaters at the vice president’s mansion.

“And They Were Not Ashamed”-Laura M Brotherson

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And They Were Not Ashamed–Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment, by Laura M. Brotherson, is the ultimate how-to handbook—power-packed with hope and help for creating a mutually fulfilling intimate relationship.
As three books in one, this “marriage book,” “sex book” and “parenting book”:

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Cheaters Never Prosper

Lately I have noticed a big buzz in the media about people cheating on their spouses. These people are some of the highest paid sports figures in the world, politicians of the highest rankings, and even the everyday Joe.

Just yesterday I saw a book  where the author claimed that cheating on his spouse actually helped his marriage and he wants others to give it a try. Some businesses are actually making a living out of creating online cheating portals for married people to arrange affairs.  Their motto is, “Life is short, Have an Affair”. What’s even worse is they are gaining women memberships that are up by 209%.

Why? Well…

We live in a day where movie stars make the cover of National Enquirer depending who they are cheating with and sports stars are constantly apologizing for their latest fling. Our so-called role models are making cheating look easy and accessible.

Where is Dedication hiding? Where is the praise for the couple who have been true to each other for decades?

Unfortunately, news media do not think this kind of information would sell so they don’t report it. Writing articles about cheaters tends to grab a lot of attention because of the intrigue. Romance novels that push multiple partners help create these fantasies among women and pornography creates acceptance with men. All these mediums seem to show how cheating is completely normal and even desired.

The reality is that “Cheaters Never Prosper” and even though in some cases they can repent and a forgiving spouse can take them back in, it is better to not even get started. Regardless of the rule they break, a cheater might advance short term but in the long haul they are bound to be caught. Despite the amount of success, money, fame, or power; cheaters still have to look themselves in the mirror at the end of the day.

For example that day has come for some of the former “Greats”. Phil Mickelson now outpaces mega-cheater Tiger Woods as the #1 golfer in the world. Former Presidential candidate John Edwards has lossed his political career and was kicked out of his beautiful Ranch house for cheating on his wife, while she was battling cancer. And the list could go on.

What should we do to combat this?

Stay away from these online cheating sites, throw out your romance novels, turn the enquirer around at the checkout stand, and keep pornography off of your computer. Business and news are driven by buyers so put your money on good media and don’t get caught as a passive supporter.

Dedication is the 4th Principle in Couple Development. Thriving Marriages are those that have 150% commitment to each other. These marriages have a physical and psychological commitment to each other that cheaters don’t comprehend. It is what makes them a powerful team for life. Cheating destroys the trust built up in the other and kills commitment.

Show the world that there are more people who are dedicated to their marriage. Stand with the millions of couples who have Thriving Marriages and successful lives. Take a stand to bring Dedication back to marriage and live by the motto “Life is great, I’m dedicated to my mate”.

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Book of the Week

Referred to as the “Grand Prix of epidemiology” by The New York Times, this study examines more than 350 variables of health and nutrition with surveys from 6,500 adults in more than 2,500 counties across China and Taiwan, and conclusively demonstrates the link between nutrition and heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. While revealing that proper nutrition can have a dramatic effect on reducing and reversing these ailments as well as curbing obesity, this text calls into question the practices of many of the current dietary programs, such as the Atkins diet, that are widely popular in the West. The politics of nutrition and the impact of special interest groups in the creation and dissemination of public information are also discussed.

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Turn off the TV Challenge

Most marriages suffer from Not-enough-talk-time-itis. You may not have heard about it before but it has been around for a long time. Ever since distractions like Radio, TV, Internet, and cell phones have been invented, couples have been not allowing for enough time to just sit and talk.

The “C” in the ABC’s of Couple Development stands for Communication. I can teach proper communication all day long but it is in vain if the people need it the most don’t practice it. Too often in our entertainment world that we live in we would rather veg on the couch after a long day and be entertained, instead of express our thoughts with our favorite person in the world(your spouse).

My wife and I love to have Talk-Time and we schedule it everyday. Sometimes it is just for a few minutes before we head off to bed and others it is for hours and before we knew it 4 hours have flown by.We use to have TV and got hundreds of channels. Since we have disconnected our TV we have been able to spend more quality talking time and it has made a huge difference in our life.

If you just think about it for a moment watching TV is a parallel activity, or one in which the couple is together but not interacting. Talking is a direct activity and requires complete attention. More marriages would be Thriving if they would just practice the simple concept of turning off the TV and spend more quality time communicating.

I hereby Challenge all of you, Thriving Marriage Couples, to Turn Off the TV for an entire week. I am not saying that you shouldn’t watch a movie now and again, but get out of the horrible habit of sitting in front on the Tube every night with nothing else to do.

Call me what you want but studies prove time and time again that TV does not improve your relationship.

This is your Challenge if you choose to accept it. You can do it. If you think this is a dumb idea, then go ahead and prove it to your ego that you can refrain for 1 whole week. See what things change during that time and note how much time you can spend doing other things. There is really nothing to lose especially those with TiVo.

Good luck and may the force be with you!

Life Live on Purpose,

Travis Parry

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Book of the Week

The Total Money Makeover

By: Dave Ramsey

The success stories speak for themselves in this book from money maestro Dave Ramsey. Instead of promising the normal dose of quick fixes, Ramsey offers a bold, no-nonsense approach to money matters, providing not only the how-to but also a grounded and uplifting hope for getting out of debt and achieving total financial health.

Ramsey debunks the many myths of money (exposing the dangers of cash advance, rent-to-own, debt consolidation) and attacks the illusions and downright deceptions of the American dream, which encourages nothing but overspending and massive amounts of debt. “Don’t even consider keeping up with the Joneses,” Ramsey declares in his typically candid style. “They’re broke!”

The Total Money Makeover isn’t theory. It works every single time. It works because it is simple. It works because it gets to the heart of the money problems: you.

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Benefits of Healthy Thriving Marriages

The Healthy Marriage Initiative (HMI)

Retreived 5/3/10 from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/benefits/index.html

Benefits of Healthy Marriages
For Children and Youth

Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

1. More likely to attend college
2. More likely to succeed academically
3. Physically healthier
4. Emotionally healthier
5. Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
6. Demonstrate less behavioral problems in school
7. Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
8. Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
9. Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors
10. Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers
11. Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married
12. Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone.
13. Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers
14. Less likely to contract STD’s
15. Less likely to be raised in poverty

For Women

Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

1. More satisfying relationship
2. Emotionally healthier
3. Wealthier
4. Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes
5. Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
6. Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
7. Less likely to contract STD’s
8. Less likely to remain or end up in poverty
9. Have better relationships with their children
10. Physically healthier

For Men

Researchers have found many benefits for men who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

1. Live longer
2. Physically healthier
3. Wealthier
4. Increase in the stability of employment
5. Higher wages
6. Emotionally healthier
7. Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
8. Have better relationships with their children
9. More satisfying sexual relationship
10. Less likely to commit violent crimes
11. Less likely to contract STD’s
12. Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

For Communities

Researchers have found many benefits for communities when they have a higher percentage of couples in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

1. Higher rates of physically healthy citizens
2. Higher rates of emotionally healthy citizens
3. Higher rates of educated citizens
4. Lower domestic violence rates
5. Lower crime statistics
6. Lower teen age pregnancy rates
7. Lower rates of juvenile delinquency
8. Higher rates of home ownership
9. Lower rates of migration
10. Higher property values
11. Decreased need for social services

[Source: Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences, September 2005.]

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Mommy for a Day

A great exercise in appreciating your spouse’s contribution to the marriage is to walk a day in their shoes. I don’t mean around the block in high heels, I mean spending a day in the life of your spouse.

For me this happens at least once a year where my wife goes to a Women Only conference. While she is learning about improving her life, I am at home going through her routine with the kiddos. It was a great experience for me to be at home with the kids.

We worked together around on their chores, talked about life’s different details, practiced piano, read books, and made meals together. At the end of the day, I was exhausted and was filled with deeper gratitude for my wife who is at home working all day.

I would suggest that once in a while that go to work with your spouse where possible or stay at home and let your spouse leave for the entire day. It will help to increase gratitude for each other as you understand better the roles that you both play.

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Book of the Week

In this book, you can learn what constitutes a complaint, why we complain, what benefits we think we receive from complaining, how complaining is destructive to our lives, and how we can get others around us to stop complaining. You will learn the steps to eradicating this poisonous form of expression from your life. If you stay with it, you will find that not only will you not complain, but others around you will cease to do so as well. In a short period of time, you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of having.

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News Article of the Week

Marriage can curb terrorism, BYU professor says
By Sara Israelsen-Hartley
Deseret News
Wednesday, Mar. 31, 2010

PROVO — Real men don’t blow themselves up.

In fact, Islamic men who are husbands and fathers are the least likely terrorists, according to a new study by professors at Baylor University and BYU.

“It is exceedingly difficult to convince a married Muslim man with at least one healthy young son still in need of his protection to commit suicide,” according to the paper, “Sex and the Shaheed,” published by political scientists Bradley Thayer of Baylor University and Valerie Hudson of BYU. “That father will not want to fail his obligations as a Muslim man.”

The new study, published in International Security, points out that nearly all suicide bombers are single men, considered by society to be “reproductive losers.”

Rising dowry costs, polygyny and in some cases physical abnormalities are pushing these single men to become shaheeds, or martyrs for Allah, as a way to secure honor and reproductive prospects in the next life.

Shaheeds are promised forgiveness of sins, a place in paradise, 72 beautiful-eyed young virgins and jewels to adorn their crown, the article explains.

They will also be spared the torments of the tomb and the Day of Judgment, according to Islamic scripture.

In March 2004, a 16-year-old failed suicide bomber told Israeli intelligence officials he had been mocked at school for his dwarfism and was tempted by the promise of sexual relations with virgins in paradise, according to the article.

Men also become shaheeds because their death brings in money from terrorist organizations, which their family can then use for the dowry of another child.

In Afghanistan, the average wedding costs $12,000 to $20,000, and families of young adult males in Egypt often save for seven years to pay for a wedding.

For a third or fourth son, there may be no money left for a dowry, Hudson explained. Thus he is unable to officially become a man as the head of a household and is racked with feelings of emasculation and humiliation.

“You get an appreciation for how desperate these individuals are,” Thayer said. “If you put yourself in their shoes … they are individuals who think that people are going to be better off … when they’re gone.”

Some governments have stepped in to help reduce or subsidize wedding costs, such as Egypt, where they hold mass weddings in stadiums, and Iran’s “love fund,” which pays dowry costs of its soldiers, Hudson said.

“I had no idea how attentive, not just nations, but also terrorist groups, were to whether their young men were married or not,” Hudson said. “These leaders of terrorist organizations understand that marriage and family make a difference in the terms of the behavior of their adherents.”

In the 1970s, the Palestine Liberation Organization encouraged its members to marry, trying to tone down the more extreme Black September organization.

“When the men married, and especially when they had sons, their militancy waned dramatically,” the article explains.

“We see this (research) really as only one arrow in a quiver, really, of ways to combat the problem of terrorism,” Thayer said.

Recommendations from the article include promoting women’s rights in Muslim countries, which lessens the divide between men and women and reduces emotions like dishonor and emasculation, which can lead men to become suicide terrorists.

Government-controlled dowry costs, establishment of democratic, liberal governments and publishing anti-terrorism messages focusing on the shameful, dishonorable path of the terrorist are also crucial.

“This is the useful element that academics are able to do,” Thayer said, “Call attention to this, recognize a problem and identify a solution that individuals had not identified before.”

For more information visit belfercenter.ksg.harvard.edu/project/58/quarterly_journal.html.

E-mail: sisraelsen@desnews.com

Thriving Marriage-Book of the Week

“The Time Bind” by Arlie Russell Hochschild.

Though every mother and nearly every father said “family comes first,” few of these working parents questioned their long hours or took the company up on chances for flextime, paternity leave, or other “family friendly” policies. Why not? It seems the roles of home and work had reversed: work was offering stimulation, guidance, and a sense of belonging, while home had become the place in which there was too much to do in too little time.

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“Get-a-ways”- A Thriving Marriage Tip of the Month

Vacations are a brilliant spark to light up any marriage.

When you were dating you most likely spent a lot of time together, just the two of you. Chances are that after  a few years of marriage work, children, and other things have moved in and taken much of that time away. Most of us love our kids and enjoy working but getting away with your spouse is the perfect way to connect and recharge your relationship.

A Thriving Marriage needs time devoted specifically to the marriage itself with no other distractions. A relaxing vacation from all other worries helps relieve stress while building a stronger bond. Even a single night away can do wonders to build communication and improve your romance.

Over the years my wife and I have made it a priority to schedule some kind of get-a-way and we have built some amazing memories. On these trips we have had deep conversations driving through the corn fields of Illinois, flying over the Pacific Ocean, or riding the subway in downtown New York City. These trips also provided an opportunity to pinch our pennies together for special occasions; like front row seating at a sold-out Broadway play or surfing on Oahu’s perfect Waikiki Beach.

It is important to schedule these get-a-ways as often as possible. This will obviously vary with different stages of marriage, ages of children, and work schedules. But regardless of situation, I urge you to somehow make get-a-ways a priority and your marriage will see improvement.

Live Life on Purpose,

Travis Parry, ME, CDC, MS

For more information about creating Thriving Marriages visit our home page.

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A Thriving Marriage-Book of the Week

Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

Purchase this book

“Get Out and Dance”-A Thriving Marriage Tip of the Month

Recently my wife and I took a dance class as a birthday present to her. She loves to dance and we enjoy dancing together. It had been a few years since we took any dance classes and we enjoyed getting back into the routines.

As we learning some new steps the dance instructor noticed that some of us needed help with form. He wanted to help us learn how to connect better with our partners so that the dancing would flow better and look more graceful.

The exercises that we did helped us couples to move in sync. The men learned how to lead the women and the women learned how to follow. We learned that the couple danced better when a solid body connection was maintained and when eye contact was achieved. Each partner had to do his or her part for the dancing to flow naturally and smoothly.

After these technique exercises he brought back in the new dance steps and we did so much better. No longer were couples so focused on their feet to make sure they did it right. Instead they were dancing in fluid motions around the dance floor in more natural artistic motions, regardless if they got all of the steps right.

Dancing is a great parallel for marriage. It teaches couples how to communicate using non-verbal messages and motions. Couples that dance reaffirm the importance of moving as one, doing his or her part to make the dance a work of art, and to get out and have fun with each other.

My wife and I remembered that through dancing, not only was it fun and good exercise, but that we created a great bond while on the dance floor. We also had a planned date each week for 8 weeks. It is important to date your spouse and have fun doing it. Besides, Irving Berlin taught in his musical, White Christmas, that “Dancing is Romancing.”

So, check out your local dance studio for lessons or open dancing hours. Get out and dance with your spouse and have fun working at your Thriving Marriage.

PN83KZZ5CDGJ

“Conflict Avoidance”-A Thriving Marriage tip of the Month

Conflict avoidance is the worst thing for healthy communication in a marriage. Couples think that if they can’t communicate they should not try at all. Eventually this leads to all sorts of things that get out of control.

“In the beginning, we avoid conflict because we are in love and we believe that “staying in love” is about agreeing, about NOT fighting”, says Diane Sollee from Smart Marriages. Having a thriving marriage is not having perfect marriage that is without any flaw or area of incompatibility. Most healthy marriages have at least 10 areas that might not ever be resolved (Solee, 2010).

If couples stop communicating, how can they work out some of the most important issues like finances, calendars, and intimacy? It is no wonder that these issues take so much flack as the greatest causes of divorce when it is conflict avoidance.

As a former financial planner, I dealt with all kinds of couples. It was easy to spot conflict avoiders because they were the couples that had no answers to important financial questions or had very different answers because “they never talked about money”. Don’t be this couple.

Here are 3 easy steps to take to face conflict avoidance:

1. Identify an issue that keeps coming up and write it down.
2. Set an appointed time to discuss these issues.
3. Agree to talk one at a time about the issue until you find the correct course of action.

Don’t fall into the hidden trap of Conflict Avoidance. Remember that the issues are not the problem; it is how we handle them. Conflict Avoidance will ruin your marriage and lead quietly to Divorce.

“Couples that say “We”.”-A Thriving Marriage Tip of the Month

A recent study at University of California, Berkeley, showed that language has a lot to do with how satisfied couples are in their marriage.
“In a study of Researchers analyzed 154 middle-aged and older married couples talking about disagreements. The conversations between those who used the “we” words went more smoothly and were less physically stressful on both sides.” NY Dailynews.com

The couples that referred to themselves as “I” were less satisfied is this study. “Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a ‘we’ is well worth giving up a bit of ‘me,’” said Robert Levenson,

This is evidence that when couples who have a True Commitment to their marriage, they will oftentimes use language to express that. Just like in sports where one team can have an All-star but never win a game, and another team that plays together will. Marriage is about being a partner and exemplifying the team attitude.

So, “If you want to be Happy for the rest of your life”…say “We”. Go Team!

True Commitment is the 2nd Vital Principle for a Thriving Marriage and can be read about at www.travisparry.com.

Bankruptcy and Divorce: The Twin Terrors.

In America, there seems to be an increasing trend of Bankruptcies and Divorces. These twin terrors cause depression, heart-ache, and broken families. Is there any reason why these issues are so closely linked and what can be done to solve the problem?

According to the United States Department of Justice, bankruptcy filings have grown overall from about 110,000 in 1960, to over 1.4 million in 2009. This is about 32% of Americans. The percentage of divorce has also increased in this country from around 30% of first marriages in the 1970s, to over 51% in the late 1990s (US Census Bureau, 2002) . Why are both divorces and bankruptcies over the last 40 years growing at such ridiculously high rates?

According to Elizabeth Warren, (2002) 91% of bankruptcy filers have suffered a job loss, medical event or divorce. It is clear that divorces can contribute to causes of bankruptcy. So the question is, “Can bankruptcy cause divorce?”
The answer to this question is answered by Rachel Foley, a Bankruptcy Attorney in Kansas City, Mo in her article Does Bankruptcy cause Divorce?.

Foley says a high percentage of her clients were coming back after the bankruptcy to file divorce and she wanted to analyze why. “At this point I get two phone calls. The first is that they want to get out of bankruptcy and the second is they want to file for divorce because they blame each other for the current situation” (Foley, 2008).

Since most financial issues in marriage are caused by lack of communication, it is no wonder that so many couples go into far too much debt than they can handle before they are forced to stop and talk about it. Imagine adding on top of normal financial stress the weight of the bankruptcy proceedings, and stir in bad communication and presto, all the makings of a messy divorce.

Of course, Bankruptcy and Divorce are not always the wrong answer and may sometimes be the only choice for some couples. However, when over 1/2 of all first marriages end in divorce and nearly a 1/3 of the population filed for Bankruptcy last year, something is not right. What is missing in both of these cases is commitment.

Marriages that have strong commitment levels have a higher likelihood of success. In fact, those marriages that have commitments beyond the grave have fewer divorce rates, some as low a LDS temple marriage of only 6% (Lobdell, 2000).
Marriages that also have commitment to financial responsibility learn to communicate about it and make smarter financial decisions to prevent Bankruptcy. Dave Ramsey, (2007) in his book The Total Money Makeover, explains that bankruptcy is not the solution and instead just a symptom of people who are not committed to living financial responsible lives. He says that after bankruptcy it is then easier to go file again and again. The same is true for divorces that once you divorce the first time, the chances for divorce increase with each next marriage.

Remember that once a couple does file for bankruptcy their chances of divorce increase and vices versa. Decide to commit today to being a better spouse and to get your financial situation in order. We need to wake up and save this country from the Twin Terrors that Bankruptcy and Divorce leave behind and create a better future for the America of tomorrow.

For more information visit the Thriving Marriage Institute at www.travisparry.com.

Reference

http://www.womansdivorce.com/divorce-and-bankruptcy.html

http://www.bankruptcylawnetwork.com/2008/02/03/does-bankruptcy-cause-divorce/http:

http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/bankruptcy-filings-2009-1276.php

Ramsey, D., (2007). The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness. Thomas Nelson Inc. Nashville, TE.

Rose M. Kreider and Jason M. Fields, “Number, Timing, and Duration of
Marriages and Divorces: 1996″, U.S. Census Bureau Current Population Reports, February 2002, p. 18.

William Lobdell, Holy Matrimony: In an Era of Divorce Mormon Temple Weddings are Built to Last in Los Angeles Times, 8 April 2000;

Law of Attraction

When you first met your spouse there was probably something special about him/her that attracted the two of you together. No, it wasn’t just Cupid, Chemistry, Looks, Personality, or a spiritual prompting. Something else was also involved in this experience.  In psychology we call it the Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction says that what we put out to the universe will eventually come back to us. Scriptures refer to the Law of Attraction as the Law of the Harvest or “what we sow is what we reap”. So if we are thinking negative thoughts we will most likely have negative experiences and positive thoughts will produce positive results. These laws are also true for the types of relationships that we attract. In fact the kinds of people that we associate with and the spouse that we have chosen is a product of our own use of the law of attraction.

Recently I was consulting with a woman who complained how her life was a failure because of her husband. She began explaining in detail their relationship and after a few minutes I asked her to “stop”. Then I simply asked her to raise her her hand and point her finger at her husband in the next room. I asked her how many fingers were pointed back at her. She chuckled but understood the point that she had to stop complaining and go to work on herself.

In reality the best way to attract a new relationship or improve your current relationship is to improve you. By making changes to yourself you are actually changing the perception that you see in other people. As your perception changes and you improve yourself others will want to be more like you and the Law of Attraction will come full circle.

So next time you find something in your “helpmeet”, or anyone, that you find annoying or that needs improvement; try changing your attitude. Instead of pointing the finger, try giving a compliment and/or think of 3 things that you are grateful for that person. Then pay attention to how this improves your relationship by changing your perception and attracting positive behavior back.

Remember the Law of Attraction is a law and like gravity works 24/7 whether you like it or not. Choose to either attract positive behavior and people or negative. Choose this Valentine’s Day to make a positive change and use the Law of Attraction to attract a better relationship.

The Most Important Relationship

7 years ago today, on Dec. 21, 2002, I had one of the most important days of my life. It was then I was married to my eternal sweetheart and we began our life together. We consider this anniversary of the birth of our marriage to be just as important as our own birthdays and look forward to the celebration each year.

While teaching the 3 keys to Life Balance, Relationship with Spouse was in the Top 3 areas of life, 100% of the time. So apparently most of you agree with the importance of this human relationship. I have therefore decided to focus my time and energy to Marriage Education and Coaching and have changed the name of the company to the Thriving Marriage Institute. Our Mission at Thriving Marriage Institute is to Educate married couples on The 6 Secrets to a Thriving Marriage and Coach them to become a Thriving Marriage Partnership for life.

As this company begins the new year with a new name and more defined focus I am confident that I can serve you even better. Remember to take time for this most important human relationship. Come visit us at our upcoming RELATE Workshops in January where we teach The 6 Secrets to a Thriving Marriage and take the Thriving Marriage IQ 7 question test to see if your marriage is thriving.

Have a wonderful week celebrating the world’s most important birthday; the birth of the Savior Jesus Christ and enjoy the birth of this upcoming new year.

I look forward to serving you.

Grateful Thanksgiving

A real quick note before Thanksgiving…

At this time of Thanksgiving it is a time to be thankful for what we do have and to spend that with relatives and friends. Some of these gatherings might involve friends or relatives that are difficult to get a long with or don’t share your same views or values. It is easy to find fault and make fun. Instead, make a point to find something that you are grateful about them and share it with the person. I know this may be difficult but this positive and grateful attitude no matter how it is received can help to change your attitude toward that person.

Studies have shown that families that get together often and regularly tend to have better relationships and happier lives. There is power in connecting and sharing time and a meal with someone. Barriers are broken down and people can connect with each other. In fact the pilgrims and Indians were some of the first to recognize that sharing time and food with each other will not only help each other to survive but to also get a long and live in peace. Hence the reason why each 4th Thursday in November we honor them with the Thanksgiving Feast.

Remember that through all of the holiday gatherings with family, friends, church members, and work associates that we can be the positive and grateful difference in their lives that we all so desperately need and want.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.

Attitude will Always Determine your Altitude

My dad was a pilot and airplane enthusiast. Whenever a plane flew overhead he would look up and tell me exactly what model it was, how many engines or props it had, and how fast it was going. If he didn’t know which aircraft it was he would look in The Chronicle of Aviation, a 1000 page book that sat on his dashboard.  He would use these moments to explain lift, pitch, maneuvers, and remind how “any landing was a good landing.”

Not only was Dad a master of aircraft, but he was a master of his attitude as well. He would often remind me of flight principles that could apply to life. One that always stood out was, “Your Attitude will Always Determine your Altitude.” Everyone loved Dad and wanted to be around his positive personality. Dad’s positive attitude gave him a great altitude in life, wonderful relationships with others, and a great marriage.

At the base of any great marriage relationship is a positive attitude. If two people want to enjoy each others company it is imperative to be positive. Positive attitudes help to bring each partner up and fly high as a couple.

Think of an airplane with a pilot and co-pilot with equal responsibility for guiding the aircraft. Guided by physical law the more you point an airplane’s noise at the ground the further it will drop in altitude. The more you pull up on the noise the higher it will climb.

Too often in marriage there is a pilot who is pushing the noise of the airplane down to the ground and a frantic co-pilot trying desperately to pull it back up and vice versa. Sometimes spouses criticize each other and put the other one down instead of lifting the other one up with positive attitude and conversation. Then as the two begin to argue the airplane of their marriage begins to noise dive and spin out of control to the ground.

To prevent this from happening to your marriage relationship think about the following helpful hints:

• Say one good thing about your spouse every day
• Write a love note via text, email, paper of something specific he or she did that day
• Refrain from criticism by giving positive feedback
• If there was a negative remark said, then ask forgiveness quickly and say 3 things positive to compensate

Remember great marriages are built on positive attitudes and the Sky is the limit.

For a Full-Day of Relationship Training come to The Relate Workshop

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.

Work-Life Balance

This week Travis Parry was featured in the Financial Planning Association’s Magazine. Click on the following link for this week’s Balance Tip of the Week. Although this was directed for Financial Planners, it is meant for universal application.

http://www.fpanet.org/PracticeManagement/PracticeSolutionsMagazine/NovemberDecember09/RestoringWorkLifeBalance/

Click here  for the Free eBook  “The Life Balance eBook: 3 Simple Steps for Total Life Balance”

Attentive Listening

“You’re not Listening to me!” Have you ever heard that before? If you have you were not practicing Attentive Listening.

Attentive Listening  is one of the most important keys to great Communication in any Relationship. It helps to let the other person explain in a non threatening way what they would like. In turn it allows you the opportunity to request the same respect.

The Merriam-Webster Definition of Attend is: to be present or, to pay attention. Attentive Listening requires that you pay complete attention to whomever you are communicating with. People know when you are attending because your eyes and ears are focused only on them. Don’t try to fake it because when you are not paying attention, people know. That is why your spouse will ask, “Are you listening to me?” as you flip through the TV channels.

Here are a few helpful hints to being a better Attentive Listener:

• Schedule Time to Listen
• Turn off all distractions like cell phones, TVs, and laptops
• Make and keep eye contact for most of the conversation
• Face the person in a non-threatening posture
• Wait at least 3 seconds until the other person has finished talking before you say anything

The benefits of being an Attentive Listener greatly out weigh the time it takes to learn. Some people like to cut straight to the chase and/or they might think they know what the other person will say. Even if that is the case give the other person the benefit of the doubt and hear them out. If anything this will foster trust and encourage him/her to want to share their thoughts and feelings more in the future.

If you think about it, Attentive Listening is really just patience in action. Slow down, Relax, and Listen. If you are in a discussion and you forget to be an Attentive Listener, reach up and put your hand over mouth. This tends to help!

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.

Titles of Endearment

One day I was in the car listening to the radio when it was announced that a famous TV star had just passed away. The radio personality listed off the shows and movies this actor had starred in over his successful career as they normally do when this happens. It was quite impressive what the man had accomplished through his life and the awards he had earned.

As I was listening the thought came to me that these radio and TV style Obituaries are full of work related accolades and accomplishments and say little if anything about the person they actually were. Where is the line mentioning how great a father, brother, husband this person was? It is understandable that not every rich and famous person has these personal titles worth mentioning, but for those that do is it not worth mentioning?

What Title do you most aspire? What Title would you hope they mention on a broadcast around the world? Lawyer, Business Owner, Mayor, or Father, Sister, Grandma, and Son? For most of us these Titles of Endearment are what we live  and die for each day. It is why we work so hard and sacrifice so much. These titles are etched on headstones in cemeteries and lovingly  repeated in  homes throughout the world.

Let us each remember the Title of Endearment that we are living for in our everyday struggle for Life Balance.

If Relationships are important to you Click Here for information on the next Life Balance Workshop

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.

Life Balance. Its About Relationships.

I have spent the last year and a half speaking and training Life Balance. In each speaking engagement or training session I teach the 3 Steps of Life Balance; Prioritize your 10 Vital Areas, Get out of Repair, and Achieve your Top 3.

In my experience when I ask a participant to Prioritize their 10 Vital Areas, Relationships with Spouse, Family, or Friends always make it into the Top 3. Why does this happen? I’ll explain.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Affection, Belonging, and Esteem are what people need after food and shelter. Even at birth studies have shown that infants that are not held suffer in their health and may even die. Affection, Belonging, and Esteem all are satisfied in a relationship and it is these relationships that we as human beings innately crave.

For this reason, I will now use this Life Balance Blog to focus on Relationships. Like Steven R. Covey says, “Begin with the end in mind.” Life Balance is the method and Loving Relationships is the end in mind. Each week I include one simple tip to help in all 4 areas of Relationships; Spouse, Family, Friends, and Community.

May we all take the time and Balance our Life in order to spend it building these Relationships.

The 3 Keys of Balance can be found in the free eguide entitled, “The Life Balance eGuide: 3 Simple Steps for Total Life Balance”

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.

A Balancing Ride.

My daughter has recently learned how to ride her bicycle. She has been reluctant for a while and has even let her younger brother outpace her in mastering the skill of cycling. Then just the other day she amazed the whole family when she hopped on her little bike and rode away.

At first she was putting her feet down all the time to Balance so she wouldn’t rock back and forth so much. Eventually she was riding her bike in straight lines and even learned how to stop leaving long skid marks on the sidewalk. Yesterday her friend came over to watch and gave her a huge thumbs up offered a great big smile and told her “Good job”.

Too often in life we are afraid to try something new in fear that we might not Balance ourselves perfectly the first time. In our lifelong quest for Balance, it is important to get rid of the training wheels and just get out there and begin riding our bikes. We might not Balance perfectly the first time or two and we may even fall flat on our faces. After we get up and brush ourselves off we eventually will learn how to ride straight and Balance like a pro. We will most definitely receive rounds of applause from a friend or two as we obtain our goals and it will all be worth the ride.

So get out there and at least try. Practice the 3 Keys of Balance, that can be found in the free ebrochure and in the Life Balance Boot Camp, “Prioritize your Vital Areas, Get out of Repair, and Achieve your Top 3.”

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.

The Balancing Power of Meditation

Last year my wife and I visited the East Coast for our very first time. The trip was a blast as we crisscrossed our way from Upstate New York to Washington D.C. We visited both Historic and Entertaining sites that we had only heard and dreamt about for years.

In order to Balance our trip out we had planned to spend a few hours on each leg of the trip to unwind and give time to thoughtful prayer and meditation. We found this opportunity to be some of the highlights to our trip and the most precious moments that we will always remember.

We found many places to meditate and pray in the beautiful little town of Palmyra, a few sanctuaries in bustling downtown Manhattan, and time for reflection and thought, in both Philadelphia and D.C. Because we took the time to make each of these places we visited a time for peaceful reflection, they became more meaningful and the tiring pace of our trip was appropriately evened out.

We all have times in our life when things are exciting and/or stressful and we easily can get burned out. Between work, family relationships, and even our hobbies can be too much for the constant tiring pace we put them at. Each one of us has the need to spend time unwinding and filling our spiritual coffers back up.

I would like to include some basic tips for meditation that even work in New York.

1. Take 5-30 minutes in the morning to read something inspirational and/or sit and pray and ponder with no interruptions.
2. Do not turn on the radio, TV, or other media until you have had your morning meditation time.
3. Schedule a few minutes in the evening to wind down before you head off to bed to practice meditation time.
4. Refrain from watching television within a half an hour before bed.
5. Exercise outside, or go on walks and hikes on trails, by the mountains, lake, river, or ocean to enjoy the beauty and natural serenity of nature.
6. Listen to inspirational music while you exercise.
7. Drive in the car in silence once in a while and think.
8. Wake up early to see the sunrise and/or wait patiently one evening to watch the sunset.

It is a fantastic feeling when you can Balance the distractions and noise of everyday life by using these simple methods to help you unwind and refill spiritual life through the Balancing  Power of Meditation.

Thriving Relationship Institute provides Relationship Education and Coaching to improve Marriage and Family Relationships.