Book of the Week

In this book, you can learn what constitutes a complaint, why we complain, what benefits we think we receive from complaining, how complaining is destructive to our lives, and how we can get others around us to stop complaining. You will learn the steps to eradicating this poisonous form of expression from your life. If you stay with it, you will find that not only will you not complain, but others around you will cease to do so as well. In a short period of time, you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of having.

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News Article of the Week

Marriage can curb terrorism, BYU professor says
By Sara Israelsen-Hartley
Deseret News
Wednesday, Mar. 31, 2010

PROVO — Real men don’t blow themselves up.

In fact, Islamic men who are husbands and fathers are the least likely terrorists, according to a new study by professors at Baylor University and BYU.

“It is exceedingly difficult to convince a married Muslim man with at least one healthy young son still in need of his protection to commit suicide,” according to the paper, “Sex and the Shaheed,” published by political scientists Bradley Thayer of Baylor University and Valerie Hudson of BYU. “That father will not want to fail his obligations as a Muslim man.”

The new study, published in International Security, points out that nearly all suicide bombers are single men, considered by society to be “reproductive losers.”

Rising dowry costs, polygyny and in some cases physical abnormalities are pushing these single men to become shaheeds, or martyrs for Allah, as a way to secure honor and reproductive prospects in the next life.

Shaheeds are promised forgiveness of sins, a place in paradise, 72 beautiful-eyed young virgins and jewels to adorn their crown, the article explains.

They will also be spared the torments of the tomb and the Day of Judgment, according to Islamic scripture.

In March 2004, a 16-year-old failed suicide bomber told Israeli intelligence officials he had been mocked at school for his dwarfism and was tempted by the promise of sexual relations with virgins in paradise, according to the article.

Men also become shaheeds because their death brings in money from terrorist organizations, which their family can then use for the dowry of another child.

In Afghanistan, the average wedding costs $12,000 to $20,000, and families of young adult males in Egypt often save for seven years to pay for a wedding.

For a third or fourth son, there may be no money left for a dowry, Hudson explained. Thus he is unable to officially become a man as the head of a household and is racked with feelings of emasculation and humiliation.

“You get an appreciation for how desperate these individuals are,” Thayer said. “If you put yourself in their shoes … they are individuals who think that people are going to be better off … when they’re gone.”

Some governments have stepped in to help reduce or subsidize wedding costs, such as Egypt, where they hold mass weddings in stadiums, and Iran’s “love fund,” which pays dowry costs of its soldiers, Hudson said.

“I had no idea how attentive, not just nations, but also terrorist groups, were to whether their young men were married or not,” Hudson said. “These leaders of terrorist organizations understand that marriage and family make a difference in the terms of the behavior of their adherents.”

In the 1970s, the Palestine Liberation Organization encouraged its members to marry, trying to tone down the more extreme Black September organization.

“When the men married, and especially when they had sons, their militancy waned dramatically,” the article explains.

“We see this (research) really as only one arrow in a quiver, really, of ways to combat the problem of terrorism,” Thayer said.

Recommendations from the article include promoting women’s rights in Muslim countries, which lessens the divide between men and women and reduces emotions like dishonor and emasculation, which can lead men to become suicide terrorists.

Government-controlled dowry costs, establishment of democratic, liberal governments and publishing anti-terrorism messages focusing on the shameful, dishonorable path of the terrorist are also crucial.

“This is the useful element that academics are able to do,” Thayer said, “Call attention to this, recognize a problem and identify a solution that individuals had not identified before.”

For more information visit belfercenter.ksg.harvard.edu/project/58/quarterly_journal.html.

E-mail: sisraelsen@desnews.com

Thriving Marriage-Book of the Week

“The Time Bind” by Arlie Russell Hochschild.

Though every mother and nearly every father said “family comes first,” few of these working parents questioned their long hours or took the company up on chances for flextime, paternity leave, or other “family friendly” policies. Why not? It seems the roles of home and work had reversed: work was offering stimulation, guidance, and a sense of belonging, while home had become the place in which there was too much to do in too little time.

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“Get-a-ways”- A Thriving Marriage Tip of the Month

Vacations are a brilliant spark to light up any marriage.

When you were dating you most likely spent a lot of time together, just the two of you. Chances are that after  a few years of marriage work, children, and other things have moved in and taken much of that time away. Most of us love our kids and enjoy working but getting away with your spouse is the perfect way to connect and recharge your relationship.

A Thriving Marriage needs time devoted specifically to the marriage itself with no other distractions. A relaxing vacation from all other worries helps relieve stress while building a stronger bond. Even a single night away can do wonders to build communication and improve your romance.

Over the years my wife and I have made it a priority to schedule some kind of get-a-way and we have built some amazing memories. On these trips we have had deep conversations driving through the corn fields of Illinois, flying over the Pacific Ocean, or riding the subway in downtown New York City. These trips also provided an opportunity to pinch our pennies together for special occasions; like front row seating at a sold-out Broadway play or surfing on Oahu’s perfect Waikiki Beach.

It is important to schedule these get-a-ways as often as possible. This will obviously vary with different stages of marriage, ages of children, and work schedules. But regardless of situation, I urge you to somehow make get-a-ways a priority and your marriage will see improvement.

Live Life on Purpose,

Travis Parry, ME, CDC, MS

For more information about creating Thriving Marriages visit our home page.

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